Companion

Cassie 

1999-2012

The hardest part of having Cassie gone is that I wasn't ready, but she seemed to be.  You would think that her long life would give me some peace in all this, but instead I just felt greedy.  I wanted more time!  I needed her in my home; she was my protector and my buffer, and the only other female.  We kept carrying her up and down the stairs, cleaning up her messes,  and keeping her free of the lice that plagued her at the end.  All of this was easy compensation for having her with me.

I questioned if we were taking this a bit far.  She was loosing interest in food, she was starting to fall down when eating or doing her business, and she developed a painful abscess from not being able to void properly.  I expected it to be clear, this answer to my question "when should we let her go."  But it was never clear to me, because I never wanted her to go.

Last fall I read an article in the NYT titled "Deciding When a Pet has Suffered Enough" by Jessica Pierce. (Sept 22, 2012)  She referenced Dr. Alice Villalobos' quality of life scale.  On a scale of 1-10 you rate your pet's  Hurt, Hunger, Hydration, Hygiene, Happiness, Mobility, More Good Days Than Bad. If the score is less than 35, she deems the quality of hospice care unacceptable. (http://www.veterinarypracticenews.com/images/pdfs/Quality_of_Life.pdf)

When I read this wonderful, articulate, well-thought out article, I thought, "oh, this will be applicable to our end of life decision for Cassie."  However, when the time came I threw all matrix's and intention and education to the wind and just held on tight.  Through it all Cassie always wanted to be with me, and that is what I took as my sign that she wanted to be alive.  I worked hard at ignoring the fact that her body had another intention.

I had hoped to avoid euthanasia; I wanted her to die naturally and peacefully.  Mostly, I really didn't want to be the one to decide.  But, that is where I had to be courageous as Cassie's companion.  She excelled at her role as my dog: loyal, obedient, on my side every time.  When she came to suffer, I had to fulfill my duty to her, and give her some peace.

It was one of the harder choices I've made, but the right one.  We are all feeling a big void in our little house.